Hell Week

What a horrendous week I've had. Sunday we were invited to my Parents house for my Birthday dinner. Dinner was pizza and an argument (at least I think it can be called an argument). Two people flew off the handle and stormed off in two different directions. The dinner was eaten in uncomfortable silence, and I had to clear off the table.

Wednesday my friend Lisa and I have a standing play date. It was so incredibly hot that day that we couldn't even think about going out. We ended up eating fast food then going to a shady Park, only to be surrounded by ramPUNKious camp kids. One kid ran up the slide as my 2 year old tried to slide down. I wanted to belt this kid in his braces!!!!

Thursday comes and my Parents asked if I would stay at the house to let the Plumbers in. I get to the house for 8:30 and the Plumber aren¹t there. I feed my Kids do a load of wash
and Dad calls ³are they there yet² ³no Dad they aren¹t² ³Damn them!² Dad calls again ³they¹re coming between 12 and 1.² ³O.K. Dad.² Great that¹s just wonderful, right during nap time. I then proceed to drop my Daughter¹s lunch, burn mine, drop the liquid detergent BEHIND the washing machine, half the bottle spills out, and the Laundry room smell like Spring Rain freshness (or some other stink like that). My son is now on the floor whining because he¹s that tried, I retrieve the pack n play, set it up and the center floor button keeps popping up (ARRGH). I slam the button down throw the baby in (figuratively don¹t call DYFUS on me now) and I have a phone session with a Therapist at 2:00, I forgot to bring her phone number and it¹s now 1:50. Dad calls ³did they get there?² ³No Dad they¹re not here yet.² ³Jesus Christ, well if you have to leave don¹t worry, screw them if nobody is home.² ³O.K. Dad, hope it doesn¹t come to that, but O.K.² My Grandma said she would watch my Daughter while I¹m on the phone. My Daughter goes to my Grandmother¹s door, rings the bell twice and no answer, its now 2:00. Oh no is something wrong? Did my Grandmother pass out; is she lying on the floor with a broken hip? I pound on the inside door, and what seemed like minutes my Grandmother opens the door, ³I was taking a nap.² ³Did you forget that you were going to watch my Daughter for an hour?² ³Well you were suppose to call me before you brought her over.² O.K, whatever you crazy old lady, apparently we had two different versions of what was to happen. It¹s now 2:05 and boy do I need to talk to this Therapist! I get the number from information, dial it and her voice mail comes on. Twenty min. later I finally reach her (she had an emergency w/one of her clients )
Bottom line : The plumbers never did show up.

I was on my way home around 5pm and I know the local streets get backed up. I got on the Garden State Parkway for one exit (and as soon as I got on I thought to myself that I made the wrong decision)
Anyway. I stayed in the right lane because that was also the exit lane. There was enough room to allow two/three cars in front of me, and get up to highway speed. I realized that I was coming up on the car in front of me quickly so I applied my breaks hard and came to a brief stop. Next thing I know is that I felt like I was on I carnival ride. When I opened my eyes I was looking at the ceiling of the car. The kids had a moment of being stunned then started screaming and crying. The shithead who hit me started swearing up a storm, never came over to exchange info (thankfully a State Trooper came), never even asked if the kids were O.K. After I calmed the kids down I got out of the car to see the extent of the damage and I got Hysterical (I'm not very good in a crisis). The back window was busted out and all I could say was that I was never in an accident like this before and the jerk who hit me said DEFENSIVELY "well neither have I!"

The kids are O.K. physically. They freak out on me though when they see the car. When they see the photos that my Husband took they come running over and just start pulling on me and want to get in my lap.
When the garage came to tow the car, I thought the kids would want to see "Mader" (from Cars), But when they saw the car being towed they just started crying.

I am a little bruised. My thumb is stranded (I jammed it on the steering wheel) and in a splint.

I just this morning got a call form Allstate saying that the garage said the car is beyond repair. Allstate is going to total it. Now we are going to have to start from square one. Just when we thought that we could start looking for a house. =(

Birthday Blahs

I know it¹s been awhile since I wroteŠ. I¹ve been busy and when I wasn¹t I was lazy.
But yesterday was my Birthday. I¹ve always been a BIG Birthday person. (Mine or yours) It¹s a special day and you should do something to feel special.

Well it¹s a GORGOUS day out and I have no one to play with. . I had a fight with my Parents (always a long and twisted story). My Best Friend is driving 10 hours with two kids for an in-law's Wedding. My Sister In Law already has a play date, and my other Stay at Home Mom friend has REALLY BAD PMS. So it¹s just me and my two raving lunatic children. Wish me luck.

Bad Karma in the Wal- Mart Restroom

How many times have you gone into a public bathroom and decided to use the big spacious handicapped stall? Especially if your Daughter says,"but I really have to go bad", and you have the other kid locked down in the double stroller. Have you ever really seen anyone in a wheelchair waiting to get in? You can see where I¹m going with this?

The Family was in Wal- Mart this weekend looking for dress shoes for the little girl. She¹s the Flower Girl in my Brother¹s Wedding and she won¹t be wearing these shoes very long or again, so I can¹t justify spending 75.00 for them. But back to the point, sorry I can¹t seem to focus on the subject at hand even in my Blog.

We found the shoes yippee (for 7.00 no less). I whispered to my husband that I had to pee. Little Miss Big Ears heard me and said she did too (Damn it). She wanted Daddy to take her (so did Mommy) but Daddy is adamantly against that for safety reasons (ask him!) So in the bathroom I go with my shadow behind me singing and dancing and touching everything. I automatically head to the handicapped stall, because being in the other stall, with her, is like being in a Phone Booth with a caffinated feral cat. I, without being too graphic, had a problem while going so I¹m in there for a while. My daughter tells me that she doesn¹t have to go, so she¹s running around the stall and I¹m saying,"Stop That! Don¹t Touch! That's Icky..NO!" Then in between my discipline statements I hear a man¹s voice. What the hell, did the janitor come in? Is someone drunk in Wal- Mart? Once I get out of the stall I see this guy standing in front of one of the other stalls with a wheelchair, and the woman he was with moaning,"I just couldn¹t wait." Needless to say he gives me a dirty look, I sheepishly apologize and quickly escorted my jabber jaws out of there "Mommy why is that man in here, this is only for girls!"

I Was Snubbed At A Yard Sale

Yeap! Snubbed at a yard sale (of all places). All the Communities (neighborhoods, let’s be real) were having yards sales this past weekend. My Husband and I decided to go to the one in Pine Beach because it was have closest and one of the “better” areas (which amounts to snazzier junk).

Well, we went into one yard with lots of baby things and I found a small rug, and two outfits, without prices on them (I hate when they do that). When I finally figured out who was selling the items I stared her in the face and she looked at me while holding onto an empty stroller and said this is the Rolls Royce of strollers. She then processed to talk to another “customer” about the Range Rover that her Rolls Royce Stroll folds into nicely. Well while it was a pretty stroller I could give a flip about it. My Cosco Stroller works just fine for me, Thank You very much. Who in their right (or left ) mind would pay $$$$ for something that your child will probably what out of in about a year, and who will inevitable spit up on.

After standing there for a few seconds not being acknowledged I thought I don’t want to beg her to take my hard earned money and I tossed them into her Rolls Royce Stroller and walked out.

Now in my OPINION, if you can afford the Range Rover and the Rolls Royce Strollers….what the he!! are you doing having a yard sale!?!?!

What’s Next?

Wow what a crappy week. First my Husband doesn’t get that great job he interviewed for, then I have to get a stool sample from EACH one of my children (enough to fill 3 jars each) BUT worst of all Chris get voted off of A.I.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A Little Justice

So we (my Husband two Kids and I) were driving home from the Rock (that is Staten Island New York for those of you who don t know). Saturday night. It was late for us but prime party time for others.

We were just going through the Raritan toll plaza and trying to merge with traffic when two RICHARD CRANIUMS blow past us one following the other and swaying in and out of the lane as if they were dancing with each other. Just imagine those ZOOM ZOOM commercials that post in tiny print at the bottom of the TV screen: closed course professional drives do not attempt.

One of the vehicles was a royal blue poor mans sport car (I don¹t know what kind it was and I don¹t care) the one that followed was a shiny black SUV.

My Husband and I of course called them every name in the book that we could that was rated PG (a VERY difficult task) but we ended by saying: Where are the cops when you really want them. Lo-and ­behold we see a Shark (a police cruiser) stalking past us in the left lane. YEAH!!!! Go get the idiot. Too bad they couldn¹t catch the SUVŠOH wait a minute there goes another Shark Šand there is the shiny black SUV!!!!!!!! Well it¹s about time!!! Those two Morons most likely blow the tolls too. Well my Husband and I had a good giggle over that. We slept well that night too.

I did it the hard way

Regrets, I¹ve had a few. One recently came up and patted me on the back.
Let me take you on a journey to a time when all my parts jiggled in the right places and I thought my farts smelled like roses.

I¹ll be as vague as possible so that I won¹t embarrass myself (or anyone else).
I have a ³friend² who has a friend who I had a few lustful moments with.Now this friend of my friend had an on again off again girlfriend, so he told me,I just didn¹t know when she was on and when she was off. Eventually he dumped me and I found out that he was back with her. I was stunned, after all my youth and arrogance told me that no one could be better than me. In order to sooth my bruised ego, I badmouthed my friend¹s friend¹s girlfriend at every turn. In hindsight (and maturing wisdom) I should have been spewing my venom at my friend¹s friendŠnot his girlfriend.

A few years later my friend¹s friend and his girlfriend get marriedŠI still have no stable boyfriend therefore my loathing for them is firmly in place. Many years more, they have two children and I just start my married life. Being married must have acted like an epiphany for me (as many people told me that I seem more calm, centeredŠI¹m not that much of a bwitch anymore) and I realize that I harbored ill feelings toward someone who didn¹t deserve my hatred. As soon as I came to that realization I felt like a heel. How do I express regret to someone who doesn¹t know (as far as I know) how I felt.

Fast forward to two years ago, when I had my Son prematurely. The Wife of the friend of a friend called my Family to inquire about my Son and to see if there was anything she could do for us. Wow if I weren¹t concerned about my baby, I would really feel like a heel.

OK here we are present time (finally this story is coming to an end) I¹m very involved in the March of Dimes and the Wife of a friend of a friend offers to walk with our Family Team and help raise money. She comes over to my home (my one bedroom apartment with two kids) to plan our fund raising strategies when her youngest points out the fact that a roach is crawling around behind her MotherŠWow do I have a lot of Karma to work on. This woman is very easy going, and realistic, which makes me think that I would be forgiven for my indiscretions (either that or she¹s waiting for the right time to get me back)